I was browsing through my Xanga, reading posts I posted 5 and 6 years ago (WHOA). This was a part of one from five years ago today.
But, I did get The Notebook. I decided to engulf my mind in a romance novel to make me feel more lonely, sad, and depressed…hahah…actually, it makes me really happy. I realized I live in a fantasy world today, and have way too high expectations for what should happen to me. Josh Behl brought this to my attention. He was talking about who I should go with to Prom, and he said some guys which are my friends(whom of which I am nowhere near attracted to in any way shape or form). And I said no no no…and he was like “Well, you don’t have that much to chose from.” or something around those lines…I don’t think it was quite that, because whatever he said was much ruder. Much more blunt and almost like saying “Shara, no guys like you anyway and you set your expectations way too high and you’re not gonna get it so settle with some ugly guy…” or maybe that’s just what I personally got out of it…haha. But, yeah I think I just always imagine these amazing things happening to me like these terribly handsome perfect guys falling madly in love with me, or ANYTHING about ANY topic really. I always imagine everything so much better than what really happens. Maybe it’s like a weird actor thing, but like if I’m about to go somewhere or to some event or just anywhere, I always think about different things happening at the event…like what I would say, or what someone else would say…or what we would do. It’s like I have this world where everything is amazing, and then what really happens is most of the time(not always) most definitely not as amazing…I know, that probably all seems really weird. Do you ever think about what you’re going to say to someone if you ever got the chance to talk to them again? Like perfectly plan out conversations and think of funny things to add in…or different lines to lead into different conversations? Am I just a total loser??? haha I do that all the time! ahhhhhh
So, I don’t know…I guess I can’t always exist in this dream world…maybe I should just..
I don’t know, I just never want my life to be ordinary. I just can’t bare with ever settling for something mediocre, something average, something plain and ordinary. No, I won’t have it. I’m not average and I won’t ever fall into the belief that I am. And I shan’t ever settle for average. I want the whole kit and kaboodle. I want my life to be anything BUT ordinary. So gosh dangit, Lord, SMITE me if my life ever becomes ordinary!