Love and Golden Calves.

I’m reading the book “Counterfeit Gods” by Timothy Keller (please pick this one up. Or borrow mine when I’m finished. One of the two, you kind of have no other option 😉 )

It’s about the idols in our lives. Money, sex, love, greed, and tons more…basically, anything that we put at the forefront of our affections…what replaces God.

I’ve been convicted of idols in my life lately. I’d really encourage you to examine your life and see what you’re putting ahead of God. What is the thing(s) that gets your time, devotion, emotions, love?

The first chapter was about the idol of love.

I’m not going to make this a long entry, though I could. It’s late and I really should be in bed. I just wanted to touch on one thing.

I thought about marriage.

I’m kind of this hopeless romantic stuck in the most unromantic life ever. Since I was a little girl, I’ve always wanted to fall in love one day, get married, and have lots of kids.

Today, I thought about that.

I thought about it a lot.

I think our society, culture, American-dream obsessed atmosphere that we grow up in tells us that we have to find this perfect someone, fall madly in love, get married, and have a family (or, nowadays when it’s kinda reversed). We have to do this in order to be happy. Girls and guys alike are fixated on finding this person to love them, this person to fill this void or “complete them” in order to be happy. They want them to save them from their loneliness. They want a savior. If you don’t get married, you’ll be lonely and will never find actual happiness.

I thought about it.

I thought a lot about it.

I thought a lot about how I’ve fallen into this belief system that I have to get married in order to be happy. I try to imagine my life in the future sans husband, and, to be quite honest, I almost feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I couldn’t possibly find happiness or fulfillment or joy or purpose in my life if I never found a “soulmate”.

Like many other things that have polluted my heart and fought for my affections, marriage is an idol in my life.

I paused.

Then I asked myself this question:

If God were to show up and tell me, “Hey, Shara, alright, here’s the game plan. I have this awesome wonderful plan for you. I want you to do ___ and go ___, okay? It’s going to AWESOME, girl. Like, I’m going to use you in ways you never imagined….but, in order to do this, I’m going to have to ask you to be single for the rest of your life.”

something in my heart hurt.

I hesitated.

i stuttered.

I want to say that I would be completely willing to do that if God presented me with that plot. I’m ashamed to say that I would be hesitant because of this idol I’ve built up in my heart.

God should not have to fight for our affections (and he’s not going to…he doesn’t want us to be his robots) God should not be second to anything.

The fact that I wouldn’t be eager and joyful to leave my idea of this perfect life with me and my “future husband” and run after God, is sick.

Like the Israelites I’m reading about in Exodus right now (who, I’m always so quick to judge. “Dude they SAW God like two days ago and now they’re worshiping a golden calf?!”…hypocritical Shara), I have many golden calves in my life. I’m humbly and verbally acknowledging them before God. I’m repenting of them as I discover them, and man, I will do my best to get rid of them.

May we find all of our joy and worth and significance and meaning in Jesus Christ ALONE. Not in worldy passions and things that will go away. That will let us down. That can’t supply that hunger and need we so desperately crave.

Only Jesus can.

I lay my idols at Your feet.

~Shara

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