Exposed.

Idol Identification: My appearance. Makeup.

So, today when I got home from tap class, I jumped in the shower to get rid of an hour and a half of sweat and nasty before rushing over to a voice lesson.  On the way home, I’d been hearing a little voice in my head telling me not to wear makeup today.

What? You have got to be kidding me. This can’t be real.

As embarrassing as this is to admit, I, Shara Lewis, haven’t gone to school sans makeup in about 9 years. Before today, I could literally count the number of guys who have seen me without makeup on, on one hand. I would try to act like it didn’t bother me if girls saw me without makeup, but, in the back of my head all I could think about was how ugly they probably thought I was.

I’ve always been an “individual” and claimed that I didn’t care what people thought about me. Psh, chyeah right. I definitely proved myself wrong today when it came to my attention yet another idol in my life: my face.

Struggling with self-esteem issues for a good 10 years, I’ve tried determinedly to “fix” all the problems I saw in the reflection of a mirror. Makeup quickly became my ally, my friend, my confidant, my security, my love, my, dare I say it, idol.

The voice got stronger and stronger as I shampooed and conditioned my curly locks. I even said aloud, “I’m trying to ignore you, God!” I so desperately wanted to ignore this. I mean, was this really necessary?

I heard the question loud and clear, “Shara, if God were to ask you to do something with your life and you were not allowed to wear any makeup, would you do it? Would you follow Him?”

I got out of the shower not really believing I was about to do what I was about to do. I squirted some face wash into my hands and washed off the remaining makeup from the morning, did my hair, put some clothes on, grabbed my backpack, and walked out the door.

Okay, to a lot of you, maybe most of you, this might seem extremely trivial and a bit ridiculous and overdramatic. But, I’m being perfectly honest when I say to you, this killed me. I was mortified. I kept looking in my rearview mirror completely horrified by what I saw looking back at me. I literally do not do anything without at least some makeup on. I wasn’t wearing a stitch.

I went to my classes and I went grocery shopping afterwards.

Today was really hard for me, but, we have to break ourselves of these idols in our lives. I know I have many more to discover.

My worth isn’t found in how pretty  my skin is, or how big my eyes look under purple mascara, or how plump my lips look under gloss. My worth is found in Christ. He is all i need.

Holy Spirit, keep me in your love. Convict me. Show me that you are all I need.

~Shara

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