Trust Falling.

I’m not good at trust falls. A high school theatre teacher of mine instructed us to, one by one, fall off the stage into our classmates’ arms.

I couldn’t do this. I can’t do any trust fall, much less off a stage.

Or you know those “games” when you’re blind folded and someone has to lead you? I hate those. I’m extremely hesitant and uneasy, completely convinced that at any moment I’m going to walk straight off a cliff or into a wall.

I concluded that I have trust issues.

This, more than often, probably describes my walk with Christ. I have issues with handing God the reigns. I say it often. I pray daily that he will. I pray multiple times daily, “not my will but YOUR will be done”. I pray asking God to lead me and guide me down the path of righteousness for his name sake. But, do I really let go? Am I really falling off that stage trusting that God’s going to be there at the bottom waiting to catch me? And do I really believe that he will indeed catch me?

My future is a blur. It’s worse than a blur. I am blindfolded and I haven’t the slightest clue what tomorrow will bring. I don’t even know what minute by minute will bring.

But, God does.

So often I feel like I’m hesitantly extending my hand to his. I imagine a shaking hand determined to reach out for God’s guidance but still hesitantly holding back.

I don’t want to hold back any of me. I want to give everything that I have and everything that I am over to God to be used for his glory to be made known amongst the nations.

To walk by faith and not by sight…knowing that God has my hand, and yeah, we’ll probably come across some bumpy plains and icy waters and, yes, I’ll probably run full speed into a wall or two…but, he’ll still have my hand.

I came across the best verse tonight.

“As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything.” Ecclesiastes 11:5

This may come as a news flash, but, Shara, you don’t know everything. Although, I’m bad at remembering this so often when I think I know what is best for me in my life, and I think I can handle things on my own, and I think I’m okay sans God holding onto the reigns.

I wrote down in my journal,

“God is sovereign. God is omniscient. God controls the universe.”

followed by:

“I am NOT sovereign. I am NOT omniscient. I do NOT control the universe.”

God’s ways are perfect and without flaw. His will is perfect.

God knows everything and is in control of everything. I need to let go. I need to trust in him fully, withholding nothing from him. Surrendering all that I am to all that he is.

Trust him.

Seek ye FIRST the Kingdom of God.

Lean NOT on my own very, very small understanding.

But, in ALL my ways, acknowledge him

And he will direct my path.

May my life count for the hallowing of your name.

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