I should definitely be asleep right now. I’m lying in a very comfortable bed for the first time in two weeks. Eight or so hours in a van and IHOP pancakes has left me rather dazed and confused. Thankful for small luxuries like a hotel bed and fluffy pillows. I’m not exactly sure where I am or what day it is, but, such is the life of a Student Life staffer.
My blogs will be few and far between this summer, but, I’ll try my best to put in a thought or two every once in awhile.
Training week has come and gone. First week of camp has come and gone. Crazy. It went very well. God is continually teaching me that He works in spite of me. That he works in spite of how I feel or how things “may seem to me”. I struggle with so much pride. I’ve been praying for chains to be broken. I’m learning to pray big prayers because we serve a big God. I belittle Him so much. One the van ride here…at some point during delirious hours…we were talking about how much power there is in the name of Jesus. We flippantly end prayers with, “…in Jesus’ name, amen.” YES, in JESUS’ name! His name is so powerful. Demons shutter and tremble at His name. I pray safe prayers, and I think I pray with my fair share of doubts and disbelief in regards to their outcome. God help my little faith. You are so big. Help that truth to be manifested in my heart.
I’ve been reading in Proverbs. A thought thus far has been frustration towards my inability to live a life filled with knowledge and understanding that comes from God. I’m frustrated because I long to be able to truly live by God’s perfect instruction, and as I read the Proverbs I see how far I fall short of the plethora of wisdom. A passage in 1 John in relation to my thoughts of Proverbs has majorly been convicting me…
“My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. 2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. 3 And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments. 4 Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, 5 but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected. By this we may know that we are in him: 6 whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.” 1 John 2:1-6
I claim to know Jesus and be reborn into new life with Him. Yet, I pick and choose and safety-ify my walk with Him to make it convenient and comfortable for me. We are to keep all of His commandments, not just the ones that fit into our lifestyles. I have been convicted of my lack of brokenness over the poor, the lost, the orphaned, and the unloved. Yes, I cry if I watch a touching slide show and yes, I sponsor a child in Kenya, but, is that how Jesus responded to the poor and the lost?
I want my desires and my heart to align with Christ’s. I feel so often that my heart is aligned with the world’s and it is terrifying. I want to live in complete and utter surrender and radical abandonment to Christ. I don’t want to be satisfied with a watered down Americanized Christianity. I want to be like Jesus. Oh, sanctify me, Holy Spirit. Transform me into the likeness of Jesus.
Update since last post. I was accepted to go on the World Race. After some prayer, I decided that January would be unwise, but, I have been put on “hold”, and all I have to do is call them whenever I’m ready to go on a race. I cannot wait. God has continued to place on my heart a burden for the nations. It’s no longer an option. But, like, I said in my last post, working on contentment. I’m no good at it.
I absolutely love my team. I have been beyond blessed with solid Christian adults who love the Lord and challenge me every day to love Him more. This summer is just going to get better and better.
I created my character for morning celebration. I’m a seven-year old girl with headgear, glasses, bad hair, bad socks, and a belt with toilet paper attached. Susanna Silverstein has a horrible bilateral lisp to go along with it. I’m going to make a super cheesy analogy I just thought of. Headgear is a very unattractive thing that is used to make your jaw/teeth perfect and straight. This whole sanctification process is not always pretty and is very hard and painful and humbling. But, I’m being made more and more like Christ. So, I guess I’ve got some pretty serious Spiritual headgear on right now. I am continually being made aware of my idols and flaws and my desperate need for a savior found in Jesus. I am humbled by His grace and stand in awe of His splendor.
I’ve also been praying that if I were to lose my family and everything I loved or held dear, would I still proclaim to the world that God is good? Is God really all I need? Is He really my ultimate goal and my everything?
Lord, how I need you. Help me. Make me more like you.