You Owe Me.

I’m doing this scary thing called growing up.

Believe me when I say that it’s terrifying, and not really all that fun.

This post isn’t profound. None of mine are. It’s pretty much an ad-on to the last one, and is probably quite repetitive, so I will keep it short.

Within my sinful nature, I have discovered a strong sense of entitlement. I’m the older brother in The Prodigal Son. I’m the Pharisee Jesus is talking to.

You see, I feel like God owes me.

I feel like God owes me my “dream job” and my “dream life”.

Here I am. 23 years old. Almost out of college two years. Feeling about as lost as it gets.

Lonely. Working a job I don’t like. Barely paying bills.

What? That’s stupid, not to mention incredibly lame.

Don’t I seek You daily, Lord? Don’t I pray earnestly? Don’t I study Your Word? Don’t I go to small group? Don’t I memorize Scripture? Teach Sunday school? Attend church? Remember when I gave You a blank check with my life and begged You to spend me however You saw fit?

I guess I didn’t think you would be spending it like this.

Because, you see, I’ve been playing the comparison game, and I have to admit, my life doesn’t look nearly as exciting or perfect as my friends’ lives look.

And, once again, the sense of entitlement grows stronger. What about me? What in the WORLD is this stage of my life?? And can it end now, please?

And, as sickening as it is, the thought comes to mind…

“But, I thought You loved me”

The thing is…He does love me. And He’s never stopped loving me for a moment, and He never will stop loving me. Where I am right now, what I’m doing right now, who is in my life right now, etc…all are gifts;all are BECAUSE He loves me.

God doesn’t owe me anything. And, I don’t owe Him anything because that would be to undercut the Gospel. The Gospel is grace. You can’t pay back grace. To try would be to rob the Cross of its power.

God doesn’t owe me anything, but He graciously loves me, provides for me, sustains me, guides me, and has given me salvation and His Spirit to sanctify me and make me more like Jesus. He has been sovereign over every moment of my life and will be until I die. Every one of His promises are true. He is always good, and His ways are perfect. There is no flaw in Him.

My life will probably never look like how I imagined it would, but, that is for my good and for His glory. That fact is a gift. And all of my Father’s gifts are good.

I don’t “owe” God anything in the sense that I must pay Him back for my salvation. But, in response to the Gospel, humble obedience and the offering of my body as a living sacrifice is non-negotiable, to the praise of His glorious grace.

My faith is so small. So so small.

I believe! Help my unbelief!

Sang this song this past week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p3_H9DoJOY 

I was continually reminded of who God is, andthat truth…this is who You are…and, how that will never change. His immutability continually brings such satisfaction and joy to my soul. This is who God is. Not who He is today and maybe won’t be tomorrow, but, THIS is who God is and always has been and always will be. Always.

And thankfully, it’s not dependent on our response to Him or our thoughts, words, and actions. He is who He is. And who He is is good.

“If we are faithless, he remains faithful–for he cannot deny himself.”

2 Timothy 2:13

My friend gave a piece of paper with this on it:

Dolomite Chant

Not so in haste my heart!
Have faith in God, and wait;
Although He linger long,
He never comes too late.

He never cometh late;
He knoweth what is best;
Vex not thyself in vain;
Until He cometh, rest.

Until He cometh, rest,
Nor grudge the hours that roll;
The feet that wait for God
Are soonest at the goal.

Are soonest at the goal
That is not gained with speed;
Then hold thee still, my heart,
For I shall wait His lead.

He never cometh late; He knoweth what is best; Vex not thyself in vain; Until He cometh, rest…until He cometh…rest.

Rest.

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