I’ve had more doors slammed in my face this year than ever before.
Opportunities have been dangled in front of my face then ripped away.
Oh, yeah…let me think,…”NO”
I know everyone is trying to be encouraging and mean absolutely no harm in saying so, but, the popular response to my year of heartache, loss, frustration, and confusion has been something around the lines of:
“Oh, don’t worry! When God closes a door, He opens a window!”
“All these closed doors just mean ONE thing…something AWESOME is waiting for you!”
“Oh, you just wait! God has something incredible in store for you because you have been through so much.”
Etc. Etc. Etc.
Okay, here’s the deal. I’m thankful for the sentiments. I truly am.
But, they’re not true.
At least, in a sense.
YES, God HAS something planned. He is sovereign over all and everything happens according to His perfect plan. Including every “no”, every disappointment, and every rejection.
And, YES, everything is going to be okay.
What if God’s definition of “okay” is different than mine? (and, it more than likely is)
What if the “something amazing” waiting for me in this newly opened window is staying at my current job? Never going back overseas? Never marrying? Never making lasting friendships?
What if God’s “okay” for my life is cancer?
What if it’s another year completely filled with more closed doors and more “no’s”?
What if that’s the “okay”?
The fact of the matter is, I just want to be okay with whatever God’s “okay” is for my life. I want to be able to fall down on my face and worship my Creator if He gives me something “AMAZING” (by the world’s standards, or even mine) or whether I am bedridden with cancer.
Whether or not I ever get another thing I want.
Whether or not my life looks like I dreamed it would.
Because He always gives me what is best for me. And, that “best” might look like something awful. It might hurt a lot. It might be heartbreaking. It might seem unfair. It might seem like He has utterly forsaken me.
But, He hasn’t. He never will. His promises are true, and He has promised to never leave me or forsake me.
He is always good.
So, instead of telling me all my wildest dreams are going to come true in the near future, join with me in praying that I would be okay with “okay”; with my Lord’s “Okay”. His “okay” might look different than mine, but, isn’t that glorious? He is GOD. He knows what He’s doing. I most definitely do not. Pray that I will trust His “okay” and worship Him no matter what it may be.
Father, I know that everything will be okay.
And, I’m okay with “okay”.