So, I moved home.
That’s usually not the dream for most people my age. But, the imagined life and the actual life are two different things…and, that is perfectly okay. If you have quite the grandiose imagination (as I tend to have), I can’t promise that your actual life will always be able to live up to your imagined one, but, this I know to be true: your [actual] life is distinctively yours and no one else’s and your [actual] life is a gift. Comparison is most definitely the thief of joy.
The Lord graciously provided me with a job a few days after arriving here. I am a partner at America’s favorite coffee spot…besides Dunkin Donuts, which it apparently runs on…and, I am literally saving up every penny I earn to pay for grad school. I even have a jar that I throw all my tip money into. I have discovered what I really always knew, that grad school is extremely expensive, and minimum wage is a hard way to pay for it. Nevertheless, I am sure going to try.
My bank account will soon read $0 as I am going to take two classes this summer. I am excited to get the ball rolling albeit a bit nervous. I don’t know how rusty I am on being a student.
The right side of my jaw locked shut a few weeks ago, and, in all honesty, it’s been kind of a nightmare ever since. I’ll save you the boring details. I cling to Psalm 145:17, “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.” The Lord is good and His mercy endures forever. Even when my jaw refuses to work, the Lord is good. If He heals it, He is good. If He does not, He is good.
Life is slow paced in the Sunshine State. More than often I find myself missing my Birmingham with all of my heart and I pray to the Lord for contentment.
Oh, contentment. One of my millions of flaws.
I seem to always be looking to the next thing, refusing to be in the present, discontent with the “in-between” life; the supposed life that I have to merely endure before my “real life” begins.
There surely isn’t such a thing…this “in between” stage we sometimes refer to. Singleness often gets this title; especially in Christian circles. The dreaded state of singleness is only an “in between” state before you marry and your “real life” begins, right? Ridiculous.
But, I know that often I live with this mindset, even if it’s subconscious.
I have to catch myself from beginning to daydream about what will happen after I graduate, and the possibilities of moving back overseas as a missionary or working in a school or a church.
Or smaller things like wishing the week would end, or longing for it to be the fall or the spring. I just can’t seem to be okay with…April 11th, I always want April 12th.
I just started reading the Bible chronologically again and was reminded of the truth I wrote about in “Where are the Fireworks?” (Read HERE ) . I’ll re-post a quote I had posted in that blog:
So by dropping 13 years into the dumpster of history between chapters 16 and 17 the writer underscores the struggle of Abraham’s faith. What happened in those 13 years? Oh, what happened during the previous decade-plus. Abraham played veterinarian to his goats, settled scraps amount his herdsmen, sat up with Sarah when she had the flu, sent scouts out to look for water sources for the flocks-in short, all the sorts of things one does in the wash-your-face, brush-your-teeth, go-to-work routine of daily living. And year follows year that way, and Yahweh’s promise goes unfulfilled. Is the writer not telling us that time can be a severe problem for faith? That it can be hard to go on believing when you have to walk on in ordinary, run-of-the-mill living without seeing any of the fireworks of promise?
-Dale Ralph Davis
This “in-between” life…this, “No, I didn’t land a well-paying dream job after I graduated from college three years ago, or a husband, or a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 children, and I am living at home to save money” life…IS life. And, it’s not to be dreaded, or feared, or, God-forbid, wasted. There is nothing less “spiritual” about waking up, going to work to make caffeine-deprived people lattes, coming home, eating, falling asleep, repeat, than living overseas in India. The Lord has placed me and has placed you wherever you, doing whatever you’re doing, for the sake of His great Name and for His glory. The “in-between” life is to be lived as a spiritual act of worship. How often I have shaken my fists at God for leaving me in this “state of being” while those around me seemingly live lives of romance and grandeur.
God, help me to refuse to believe in this “in-between” life. Help me to find my deepest joy and my contentment in You and not in my circumstances. May I rejoice in the gift of April 11th, no matter how ordinary or mundane it may be.
Gosh, why is that so hard? It’s obviously very hard because I’ve been writing about it for about two years, ha.
Oh, well, it’s a process.
“But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”-Psalm 31:14