These are my confessions.
At times I can hardly breathe.
An overwhelming sense that nothing is right and that nothing can be right.
Sadness. Frustration. Confusion.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:6-7
God’s people are to give themselves entirely to him, submitting to his wise ordering of their lives…Worry is a form of pride because it involves taking concerns upon oneself instead of entrusting them to God. Believers can trust God because, as their Father, he cares for them (ESV Study Bible).
Oh, my pride. I pray to the Lord to destroy it. He is always faithful to show me all the areas in my life it has infused.
This weird state of life, this “limbo”, I have found myself in is not ideal. I feel stuck, and, at times, angry that I am stuck, and I worry I will never find a way out.
Why is it easier to worry than to place my trust in the Lord? Why is it easier to shake my fists at Him and become anxious about my future, than to place my future into His hands where it rightfully belongs?
The picture comes to mind of me desperately holding onto my future in my hands, wanting to be in control of it, wanting it to go my way. All the while God is reaching out His hands to me, and the only way I can grab hold of His loving arms is to let go of what I have been holding onto with all of my might.
Perhaps I’d more easily give it up if there were a few promises and guarantees attached like greatness, or success, or marriage, or my “ideal” life. All idols in my life who battle for my ultimate affection.
Why is that? His ways are perfect. What would I know? But, that’s the thing…pride. The very essence of sin. Putting ourselves where God should be. Thinking we know best.
It takes humility to let it go.
Humble yourselves…[by] casting your anxieties on him.
It doesn’t matter that I know this verse by heart. It doesn’t matter if I know that the Lord has commanded me to place my trust, my hope, my life in Him. It doesn’t matter that I know that the Lord has commanded me not to be anxious about tomorrow.
All of that knowledge doesn’t matter if I still live in worry…if I don’t actively seek, desire, and pursue total dependence on God by humbling myself, dying to my pride, and casting my cares upon Him.
Faith, knowledge…blogs…worthless without action, without change.
May I be a doer of the word, and not a hearer only, deceiving myself.
Thankful for grace.