2013. Another Year of the Ruined Life.

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It’s that time of the year again. That time when it’s about to be the next one. I’m not exactly sure how that can be possible because I’m pretty positive I just wrote my 2012 end-of-the-year blog. Time is flying. It’s very strange.

Ah. This year has been a tough one. But, I do not want to make this is a “woe is me” blog. It’ll be honest, as I always try to be. But, it shall be riddled with joy.

Let’s see…2013…well, I moved home this year. I spent the month of January soaking up my final moments in Birmingham, saying goodbyes, and packing up my life once again. With a loaded VW Jetta and a heavy heart, I drove away from my beloved city crying (which is dangerous, by the way, and ill-advised), and I tried my very best not to look back.

It has been indeed another “silent year”–another year I have cried out to the Lord and have heard no response. Yet, I know He hears my cries. His Word holds true even when I don’t feel it or understand why. There is no flaw in my King. It has been another year in which I have felt abandoned. Yet, I know He has not abandoned me. It has been another year of endless closed doors and failed plans, and frustration has occurred on many accounts. Yet, I know He is sovereign over closed doors and ruined plans. It has been another year of a fight with depression–with a deep sadness that, at times, I feel I cannot escape. Yet, I know He satisfies me with His goodness and is the true source of all joy. It has been another lonely year. Yet, I know I have never been alone. It has been another year of feeling utterly lost. Yet, I know He will lead me.

It’s been a battle with what I know to be true and what I feel and see. It has been a daily fight to move my faith from my head to my heart. But, the Lord is faithful. He is faithful in the ruined life.

God is for me. He is not against me. He does not let life happen to me even though He loves me, but because He loves me. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord. All things.

If you’re curious, you can read in my blogs throughout the past two years on here about what the Lord has been teaching me through this season of my life, my constant failures, and His never ending grace, forgiveness, and faithfulness to His wayward daughter. I don’t deserve it. That is a fact.

I might look back over these years one day and be able to see how God worked it all out for my good, my sanctification, and for His glory. And, you know what? I might never know why it had to be like this. But, that doesn’t change the fact that God is good. He is perfectly righteous in everything He does. My life is not an exception to that.

In no particular order, here’s some random happenings/updates of 2013 and some photos.

I ran 5 races this year that all happened in and after September. I went a little crazy with the 5Ks. I honestly don’t even really like running that much, but, I thought runners were skinny, so, I wanted to be skinny too. Turns out, other runners are skinny, but, I am not. But, it also turns out, that running races, getting faster, and crossing the finish line is actually really fun. So, I’m sticking with it.

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Speaking of exercise, I started doing Crossfit-type workouts at this incredible gym called Trinity Fitness. It’s my favorite thing about Melbourne. I really hate burpees, but, I really really love Trinity Fitness.

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I was a Minion for Halloween

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I also had to be an elf for my students’ Christmas Showcase. Yikes.

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Oh, these are some of my students. I teach 4 year olds Musical Theatre. They. are . adorable.

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I read the entire Harry Potter series again. It was perfect as always. And, I got this super nerdy Harry Potter bracelet.

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I started working at Starbucks. And, drinking a lot of free Starbucks.

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I’m still single. I still apparently unknowingly bathe in man-repellent every morning. Going on 25 years strong. It’s cute when you’re 12 and have never had a boyfriend, but, I guess when you’re almost 25 and you haven’t, people tend to be quite puzzled. This has resulted in being asked multiple times if I was a lesbian. I don’t know why. But, not even kidding, I have been seriously asked that question many times by various people…including immediate family members. So, to clear the air, I am not a lesbian : P

The Lord continues to teach me to not misplace my hope in a boyfriend/husband/family, to not idolize marriage, but, to place my hope in Him. I may get married, I might not. Regardless, singleness is not a punishment. I’ve blogged about that too ( “A Single Goal” http://wp.me/pKoZQ-8W )

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I can barely get this box shut.

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Oh, and I started Seminary.

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This year I got braces of the “invisible” sort. I am still a brace face and am about to become a “four eyes” due to my failing eyesight. My body kind of fell apart in 2013. This year I taught one tap dancing class, but, mostly perfected the art of dancing around my house to blaring music. This year I visited my family in Kentucky,lived with my mom and my sister on an Air Force base, and, became the owner of a smart phone. I laughed a lot, cried a lot, learned a lot, and, hopefully, grew up a lot too.

A good part of me feels as though I have failed 2013, but, I am trying not to measure success by the world’s standards, but, by the Lord’s.

It’s been painful, and it’s been good. Thankful for the Cross. Thankful for the Gospel.

A few years ago, I asked God to ruin my life. He did. And, it’s still ruined. And, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And, as this year comes to a close, it is my prayer that whatever befall,… Lord, may You be my Vision, O Ruler of All.

-Shara.

“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with  my righteous right hand.”

-Isaiah 41:10

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2 thoughts on “2013. Another Year of the Ruined Life.

  1. Happy 2014! From St Patricks day, 2016. Took a break for a while and as always, it’s still a thrill to read your thoughts. Also still a slow mover/reader; One or two posts at a time. You may appreciate to know I’ve started getting into the Word with consistency, thought I doubt you’re reading #necro replies like this. I hope to keep that up; It really makes my days feel more productive and filled with truth more and more.
    To God be the glory, and may he bless you.

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