If you had asked me two years ago if I’d ever move home, I would have told you, “Not in a million years.”
I felt I was willing to do anything rather than move home. Moving home meant failure. And, I was determined not to fail.
Nevertheless, the Lord is always quick to remind me of Psalm 19:21: “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.” I’m definitely a planner. I like checklists and non-spontaneity. I believe I crave the control–the control I surrendered when I gave my life to Christ & prayed “Thy will be done”–yet, the control I still battle to take back. The past two years of endless thwarted plans have definitely been humbling. I confess I often succumbed to bitterness and anger, but, the Lord is gracious and patient with me. His perfect patience is astounding.
If you had asked me last year if I would still be living at home a year later, I would have told you, “Not in a million years.”
I have been (literally) saving my pennies in a jar that reads, “Shara’s Move Back to Birmingham Fund”, determined to either get back there, move to South Carolina to be on campus for seminary, move overseas, or…move anywhere else but home.
Nevertheless, I’m still here.
I’m still here. And you know what? Unless by some financial miracle, I don’t see myself getting out any time soon.
This was definitely not the plan. But. But God has got this. He is not shocked or surprised. His plans were not thwarted, though mine were. He is in control.
I can whine and cry, complain, and grow more bitter and discouraged as each day goes by… or, I can choose to trust in the sovereignty of a God who loves me and knows me and who is working all things for my good and ultimately for His glory.
When I was in India, during orientation in Delhi, one of the M’s spoke to us and encouraged us to “be all there”. She held up a picture frame with the familiar, “Home is Where the Heart is” embroidered in the center. She told us that for the next 5 or 6 months, India was our home. The US was not. And, our hearts needed to be there–and, they needed to be all there. We would be of little influence if we lived with our hearts back in the US–consumed with the daily happenings of our friends and family back there. We were not there. We were here. And, we needed to be all here. Our hearts needed to be in India.
As I face the unknown future, the unknown length of time I will be at home, making lattes for minimum wage, taking online classes, etc., I am resolved to be all here.To be all here. To not live with my heart in Birmingham, or my heart overseas. I am not there. I am here, and I must live all here to the glory of God.
Quoting a previous post,
As I have been praying to the Lord, the same thing keeps coming to mind: today.
Each day I wake up, the Lord has given me that day. He didn’t have to, but, I was given that day, and as a follower of Christ, I am to be obedient that day. I cannot be obedient for the next day and I cannot be obedient for the previous day.
Be faithful today.
Be obedient today.
Stop worrying about tomorrow (Matt 6:25-34).
God is sovereign.
And, it will all be okay. Yes, it might not resemble in any way, shape, or form, my idea of what “okay” should look like…but, it will be okay.
He has not abandoned me. And He has not abandoned you.
Be present. Be all there today. Wherever I am, wherever you are, for however long I am there, for however long you are there, by the grace of God, may we have the courage, the humility, and the faith…to be all there.