“It’s not really the fact of ending up ‘alone’. It’s the lies I believe about it. They’re the worst part.”
I held my coffee cup in my hands as I stared off blankly—a habit I have when I am contemplating and haven’t sorted my thoughts neatly into words yet (Do I ever sort my thoughts neatly into words?).
My friend nodded as she listened.
I had discussed the same idea, briefly, with a friend the previous night.
He had asked me if being single actually did upset me. I responded that it really didn’t, but every once and awhile it was hard.
And as I began to explain why, something dawned on me that I hadn’t really thought through before.
Yes, just like anyone, I desire to meet someone one day who makes me laugh so hard it hurts. I would love to marry someone someday who loves Jesus way more than he loves me, who is a humble leader, and who enjoys a good musical. Who doesn’t want to meet someone who they can cry with, laugh with, grow with, and get old and fat with?
But the possibility of never having that is not what aches when I have a “singleness bad day”. It’s the lies. The greatest pain is caused by the lies that begin to replay over and over again in my mind.
The lies of singleness that I am unworthy. That I am single because I am ugly. That I am single because, in every way possible, I am not enough. Whatever it is that is worth wanting, I am not it. I am not worth wanting. I am not worth marrying. I am flawed. I am broken. I am not desirable. I am not enough.
The lies again and again begin to fill my mind as a pool fills with water. And slowly, but surely, I begin to drown. The lies spill over into my actions and my thoughts of jealousy, bitterness, and apathy.
And that is the poison. That is what is really hard.
Yes, I desire for a partner in crime, but the issue is so much deeper than that. The fight is so much more than that. The fight is so much more than wishing I had someone to buy me chocolate and a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day. The fight is so much more than wishing I could plan the perfect Pinterest wedding and have someone to take hipster pictures for Instagram with.
The fight is against the lies that I feed myself.
The fight is against my battle with enough.
The fight is against my looking for joy in creation over Creator.
The fight is my tendency to believe Satan rather than God.
The sea of lies that so often accompany singleness is far worse than the prospect of a lifetime unmarried.
By God’s grace, I pray He will help me and all of us to wage war on the lies. Day by day. Hour by hour. Moment by moment. Detect the lies. Reject the lies. Replace them with the truth.
What lies are you believing today? Reject them. Replace them. Speak truth to yourself.
Paul Tripp writes, “No one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you as much as you talk to yourself.”
Tell yourself the truth today.
Your worth is fixed in Christ. You are perfectly and forever loved. His way is perfect. Trust Him today. He is the Truth. Rest in the truth.