Singleness and Lies



“It’s not really the fact of ending up ‘alone’. It’s the lies I believe about it. They’re the worst part.”

I held my coffee cup in my hands as I stared off blankly—a habit I have when I am contemplating and haven’t sorted my thoughts neatly into words yet (Do I ever sort my thoughts neatly into words?).

My friend nodded as she listened.

I had discussed the same idea, briefly, with a friend the previous night.

He had asked me if being single actually did upset me. I responded that it really didn’t, but every once and awhile it was hard.

And as I began to explain why, something dawned on me that I hadn’t really thought through before.

Yes, just like anyone, I desire to meet someone one day who makes me laugh so hard it hurts. I would love to marry someone someday who loves Jesus way more than he loves me, who is a humble leader, and who enjoys a good musical. Who doesn’t want to meet someone who they can cry with, laugh with, grow with, and get old and fat with?

But the possibility of never having that is not what aches when I have a “singleness bad day”. It’s the lies. The greatest pain is caused by the lies that begin to replay over and over again in my mind.

The lies of singleness that I am unworthy. That I am single because I am ugly. That I am single because, in every way possible, I am not enough. Whatever it is that is worth wanting, I am not it. I am not worth wanting. I am not worth marrying. I am flawed. I am broken. I am not desirable. I am not enough.

The lies again and again begin to fill my mind as a pool fills with water. And slowly, but surely, I begin to drown. The lies spill over into my actions and my thoughts of jealousy, bitterness, and apathy.

And that is the poison. That is what is really hard.

Yes, I desire for a partner in crime, but the issue is so much deeper than that. The fight is so much more than that. The fight is so much more than wishing I had someone to buy me chocolate and a bouquet of roses on Valentine’s Day. The fight is so much more than wishing I could plan the perfect Pinterest wedding and have someone to take hipster pictures for Instagram with.

The fight is against the lies that I feed myself.

The fight is against my battle with enough.

The fight is against my looking for joy in creation over Creator.

The fight is my tendency to believe Satan rather than God.

The sea of lies that so often accompany singleness is far worse than the prospect of a lifetime unmarried.

By God’s grace, I pray He will help me and all of us to wage war on the lies. Day by day. Hour by hour. Moment by moment. Detect the lies. Reject the lies. Replace them with the truth. 

What lies are you believing today? Reject them. Replace them. Speak truth to yourself.

Paul Tripp writes, “No one is more influential in your life than you are, because no one talks to you as much as you talk to yourself.”

Tell yourself the truth today.

Your worth is fixed in Christ. You are perfectly and forever loved. His way is perfect. Trust Him today. He is the Truth. Rest in the truth.













2 thoughts on “Singleness and Lies

  1. I want to express that God has made you beautiful. He has made you exquisite. He has made you passionate and sharing, loving and caring. Who has told you this lie that you are anything but otherwise… they are fools, come from the Enemy of Man, the Prince of Darkness. You write to ease your mind and work through your love for him; to be rational and faithful. You do not hide your love under a bushel but let it shine, pouring out your fears and joys because you are so full. Do not feel alone on this strange Holiday, where the lies of the world run rampant not unlike many other secular holidays awash with pastel symbols of the season. With hearts of gold and purple and pink and yellow. That love is all you need.–cue Beatles.– That it’s time to get lucky. That it’s time to love your peers and your special someone especially. Love love love. It is so pagan. And yet, love is so powerful–it draws humanity for a reason; for God is love. And God is reality. God’s Love is Reality. I have always wondered why we have a “love day” once a year… when we should be loving and caring and giving every day of every year with our hearts on our sleeve for God and Man. #rabbithole Matt 9:36
    You are not alone, and you are beautiful. And wonderful. And a blessing. Each for any number of reasons I could list that all pale besides: He has made you.
    And there may be obstacles and doors God has put in your way. There may be physical and emotional barriers, or conflicts of interest and distance and the time of your life… but you have so much to offer whether that option comes or not!
    I should add to my compliments that I only know what you post… so if you’re anything like me and…well… everyone I know, you’re imperfect too. I don’t know you beyond that, though I am beginning to wish there was a way to change that. For now I will just keep reading, keep praying, walking my own walk, and wishing you joy or at least peace in God’s perfect will.
    ~Ben H.

    Appropriate as always:
    “4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Cor 13:4-7

    • Interesting. My introspective self can’t see things til I commit to them (i.e. submit a reply). It is interesting that while I intended it to be a supportive, God-centric compliment of encouragement… I still made it about you (and for my own gratification, about what I feel) and God-THEMED without significantly contributing to your thoughts. Didn’t even notice it; so there is my failing. #wheretheheartis #distractions
      I hope it is taken in the spirit with which it was intended; humility and encouragement from an empathetic and talkative soul.
      To you readers, Always: Bring it back to Christ. Let him be the center, let him and to him be the Glory. Of our relationships, our doubts and fears, our weaknesses and confidence… our heart, soul and mind. Lies and all else will pass away.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s